Momma Says the Darndest Things

As I was being peed on the other night, { seriously, Sassy peed on my lap - that’ll teach me to take the diaper off before the bathtub is ready } I started thinking about all the bizarre sounding statements I’ve made since becoming a Momma, things that people without a kid would never have the occasion to say…
Like these for example:
  1.        Get your foot out of your mouth so I can put your pants on!
  2.        Carrots are not hair gel!
  3.        Stop trying to stick your hands in the poop!
  4.        OMG, you’re dancing in poop!
  5.        Don’t let the dogs kiss you, they eat poop!

Right now you’re probably thinking “wow, there’s a lot of poop talk in this post”; Well, for those of you who don’t know: Momma-hood is full of poop, lots of it! { And yes, I am a total loser who says OMG( the letters) out loud.}

What are some crazy things your kids (or pets) have made you say?



Natalie said...

I'm reading your list and I'm thinking "Being a mom makes a girl talk a lot of sh!t" and then I got to your “wow, there’s a lot of poop talk in this post” line and I LOL'd. (And yes, if we were talking face to face, I would've said L O L.)

Obviously, we're meant to be friends.

Julie Kay said...

Haha! Love this post! I'm currently potty training my two year old son....so, a common phrase heard around here is "Tuck your wee-wee in the potty chair so you don't pee all over the floor." Prior to kids I never imagined myself using that line... There's definitely a lot of bodily waste talk when you have kids. And, the other thing I find amazing is how easily I talk to other parents about it. And, they talk back with similar stories!

Kat said...


Let's see

-Is there poop? Please tell me there's poop. When was the last time you changed a poop? What do you mean you're not keeping track??
-Is she using her toe as a pacifier again?

Deb from WhatsInMyAttic said...

The all time fav's I've heard...not that I've said:

Don't run with the chopsticks in your mouth...use them for your soup!

If you didn't poop in your pants, who did?

You're right...there's always a lot of poop talk when kids are involved. Cute post. Keep a log...I bet you get lots of fodder for future posts...hey, she's young!

Kim said...

Oh how true this post is! Let's see, a few of mine are...

"Stay still, I am trying to change your diaper...do you want to sit in poop?"

"Do not let the dog lick the inside of your mouth!"

"Did you poop? No? Yeah, you pooped..."

"Do not open your mouth until you have swallowed your food!"

Never a dull moment!

Robin said...

None of my funny ones come to mind. But I love this post!

Sarah said...

I love posts like these! Moms are so silly - but they make for great blog posts ;)

meijo's JOY said...

What about...
"Is that you poop or the raisin?"
"My! There are the raisin turns into grape in you poop!"
"Oh Dear! Are you sick...honey..should I pack the poor for the doctor?"

Aleta said...

LOL. I don't have kids, so I'm minus those sayings in my life. Cracks me up to read them though. Oh and we have to keep the dog out of the cat's litter box area... ummm, dogs try to "help clean" the litter box - GROSS. There's actually a reason for this - dogs don't want other animals to smell poop so they eat it - NASTY!!!

Anonymous said...

I find myself changing the topic alot with my 4 year old. Example, he went through a period when he kept asking "what are those two things on your chest"? Me: We will talk about it later. LOL
Sometimes, I just don't have the words. I wish it was just about avoiding the poop these days.

Angelina said...

Ha ha, I totally concur that motherhood involves A LOT of poop! :-) Whether it's the real thing, or the "poop" we get from our sassy adolescents and teenagers! Ha!
Great blog!
(new follower:)))

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